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Writer's Block: The one that got away

Do you believe in the concept of a soulmate? Do you think you've met him or her? Do you ever worry that "the one" got away?

No one is going to be surprised by my response to this. . .

I believe in the concept of a soulmate because of my experiences with uncrowned_king. I have no idea if everyone has a soulmate or not; I only know that I do.

Prior to Lohain, I did not believe in soulmates. Instead I focused on the wonderful richness of having intense and meaningful love relationships with a variety of different people. I was polyamorous and happy with it (once I figured out what polyamory was!).

Being with Lohain changed that. I never made a conscious decision to stop being polyamorous -- and maybe other things might have turned out to be less painful if I'd had that self-awareness. Instead, over time, without fully being aware of it, I turned more and more to him because what I shared with him was simply 'more' than even the wonderful things I was experiencing with LB.

Even now, more than two and a half years after his death, having pretty much come through my grieving process, I have a hard time imagining love, romance or sexual intimacy with anyone else -- even though sometimes I long for it more than I can say.

Because of what I experienced with uncrowned_king, I have a hard time imagining that one's soulmate "gets away." Part of what was so extrordinary with him was the mutuality of it. The only way I can imagine someone being able to walk away from that would be if they were already married or in some other way bound by a lifelong oath and were not free to fully engage in the relationship.


Queen of Swords

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