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Earlier today, in a locked post, I expressed some stress and resistance about attending the memorial services of a woman who had been very close to my parents, and who had extended her love for them to my sister and I. We visited her and her family frequently in my early years, and she and her husband had been extremely important to my parents, but I'd only seen M once or twice since Wolfling was an infant.

I'm very glad I went to both the graveside service and the luncheon afterward. It was good to be reminded of what a wonderful woman M was. It was good to see people whose families have been intertwined with mine since before I was born. It was good to be there to support my mother. (My father had to leave after the graveside service.)

And I was honored and touched that a photograph of my sister and I, both of us in footie pajamas at about age 4, were part of the slideshow at the luncheon afterward, including us in the extended family.

I really wish I was better at community, better at maintaining these connections.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 4th, 2009 12:12 am (UTC)
I'm glad you went.

I know what you mean, about... maintaining community. I always seem to be waiting for somethin. "When I get settled in..." "When I have more money to go out and be social..." "When I've resolved my dating status confusion so as not to cloud interactions with friends..." There's always a when. Is it like that for you?
Sep. 6th, 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
It's not so much a situation of "When I. . . ." but more of a "Why would I want to. . .?"

I almost never think about going out and hanging out with people as a fun thing to do, unless it's with very close friends. And unless I strike an unexpectedly powerful chord with someone new, I almost never follow up a first meeting to try to build something more. There were lots of very nice people at the memorial service, but I can't say that I felt much in common with any of them. Not enough to motivate me to make the effort to create a relationship.

Sep. 4th, 2009 01:38 am (UTC)
I resonate with your surprise. Those kinds of rituals often end up being more meaningful than I expect them to be, with connections to strangers, near-strangers and people I wish I knew better becoming a very important part of... something.
Sep. 4th, 2009 02:10 am (UTC)
I'm glad you went, and I love the part about the picture.

In the past few years I've gotten very bad at maintaining community locally, but I'm slowly getting back into it. It really can be difficult.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


Queen of Swords

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