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2 Years

Two years ago, uncrowned_king died in my arms.

He died peacefully. He died bravely. He died surrounded by love.

His death released him from a body that was a prison.
His death released him to regain the wholeness of his self.

His death tore apart my heart and soul and made something new of me.

It is not an initiation either of us sought. But since there was no escaping the ravens who came for him, we strive to do the best we can with the knife-edged gifts we were given.


Parted from me and never parted.
Never and always touching and touched.


The slow passing of the days since his death ease my pain, begin to blur the memories, and bring me steadily closer to our reunion. Between here and there, between now and what is to come, there is much for me to do. Most days I still wish on some level for that time to be short, but I no longer resent my life. I owe myself and my daughter and him and the world the best of what I have to give, the best I can be.



I believe this will be my last formal grieving post. Not because I no longer care, but because I do continue to move forward. My thanks and blessings to all my friends here who have been patient and supportive during this time. Your kindness and compassion have meant more to me than you can ever know.




And yes. . . I am crying.

Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
iswari
May. 31st, 2009 03:49 pm (UTC)
Holding you all in my heart, with love.
qos
May. 31st, 2009 04:13 pm (UTC)
*hug

Thank you.
neversremedy
May. 31st, 2009 04:19 pm (UTC)
*big hugs* I'm sorry that you ever had to experience so sharp and deep a loss, but I am also proud of you for being strong enough to move forward and continue on. From what I know of you here, your work is helping others, and it is work that is sorely needed. You are needed, wanted, and loved.
qos
May. 31st, 2009 05:12 pm (UTC)
*hug

Thank you so much.
veronica_milvus
May. 31st, 2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
Thinking of you on this very sorrowful anniversary, and I'd like to commend you for the healing process you have undertaken since then.

I started following your LJ not long after that loss. I never understood what it was that took him from you, I wonder have you ever mentioned the illness?

You've been through so much, take good care of yourself and the wolfling.
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your affirmations.

I haven't written much about what took him. He was a far more private person than I am, and I try to respect his desire for privacy. In brief, he had a mild stroke, and we thought he was going to recover, but a week or so later he died from complications that were significantly due to a chronic condition he had.
heron61
May. 31st, 2009 08:29 pm (UTC)
Blessings to you.
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
oakmouse
May. 31st, 2009 09:24 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
*hug

Thank you.
blessed_harlot
May. 31st, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
*hug

Thank you.
rin_x_x
May. 31st, 2009 10:11 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
*hug

Thank you.
elevengirl
Jun. 1st, 2009 01:25 am (UTC)
::Hugs::
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
*hug

Thank you.
(Deleted comment)
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
That means a lot.
Thank you so much.
lupagreenwolf
Jun. 1st, 2009 06:08 am (UTC)
*snugs and love*
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
*hug

Thank you.
amqu
Jun. 1st, 2009 08:00 am (UTC)
I don't know anything about him, but I find myself fascinated by him all the same. I wonder about a man who could inspire such intense love and devotion in a woman such as yourself.

I'm glad the most harrowing stages of grief have given way to a more peaceful place.
qos
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )

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