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Since our last episode. . .

It is so much fun to see all my userpics again!

So. . . It's been at least four years since my last stab at a post here, so I'm not going to try to catch up all at once. The short version is that uncrowned_king died eleven years ago this past May and I have only recently truly, fully healed of that grief and the depression which followed. Wolfling is now a young lady of twenty-two. My father died two years ago in September, which was very hard. I've been working with the same company for seven years now, a new record. It's still "just a day job" but I'm reconciled to working as an admin and trying once again to focus on my vocation outside of work. I earned a second masters degree -- an MS in Health Communication -- but haven't been able to put it to use.

I am now 53 years old -- which boggles me. People tell me I still look at least ten years younger, but I am very, very aware of being "middle aged" now. I don't want to say that the grieving years were all "lost time." I accomplished a lot, grew a lot, had some great experiences -- but I know that my capacities were significantly diminished during that time. Now that I finally have energy back -- and Wolfling has moved out (although not far away -- and she's making dinner in my kitchen as I write this) -- I'm able to do a lot more.

This evening I went to my first bellydance class. On Tuesday I went to my first Toastmaster's meeting. Someone just started a Lightworkers Toastmasters club, conveniently located on my way home from work, and I'm looking forward to polishing my public speaking skills and doing some intellectual stretching. I did four years of policy debate when I was in high school, so I have no fear of public speaking, but it's been a long time since I focused on developing skill. I'd looked at other clubs from time to time, but I chose this one because I like the idea of participating in a club in which everyone is at least a little bit 'woo woo.'

I actually tried bellydancing more than a decade ago. It didn't go well. I'm a musical person, and have good rhythm. . . but dancing for me has been like rubbing my tummy and patting my head at the same time. And that first class was full of younger girls with cool outfits and much smaller waistlines. I was completely intimidated and uncomfortable and never went back. This evening's class had fewer participants, a wider range of body sizes and ages -- and I'm older. I can focus on my own work without judging myself against others. The moves are not easy for me, but that's why I'm there: to learn, so they become easy.

I have really missed the community here. Facebook is good for keeping in touch with people, keeping 'soft bonds' in place, but there is almost never any in-depth reflection or conversation.

*gives all my old friends a big hug


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 17th, 2018 02:10 pm (UTC)
it is so nice to have you back :> and wow, i can't believe your daughter is 22! amazing!

maybe i will write a similar catch-up and post it on my journal... lj is not the busy place it used to be (though a lot of us mirror to dreamwidth), but i still check here just about every day.
Aug. 17th, 2018 02:17 pm (UTC)
also, just read back in your journal a little to see some of the posts i missed... not sure how that happened, but they were in 2014, when i had a tiny baby, and there's a whole lot about that year i don't remember at all, so! blame it all on sleep deprivation ;>
Aug. 17th, 2018 02:19 pm (UTC)
I understand that!
I remember some of our exchanges from years ago when you were thinking about becoming pregnant, and I've been curious about how you've been finding the experience of being a mother.
Aug. 17th, 2018 02:17 pm (UTC)
I would love to read more about what you've been doing! (Maybe we could even -- *gasp* -- email each other!)
Aug. 17th, 2018 02:19 pm (UTC)
haha, what a concept :>

i have a houseguest right now, so i might not be able to manage it till next week, but i can still be reached at this username at gmail. would love to connect more!
Aug. 17th, 2018 02:22 pm (UTC)
I still have that email in my address book! I'll make some time to send a note and you can respond when you're free. . .
Aug. 20th, 2018 03:11 am (UTC)
Wow! I remember asking you about LJ on FB some months ago and you indicated that you weren't going to be returning. I remember that I mourned your leaving FB, so I'm really happy to have you back! I'll have to post an update post too.
Aug. 20th, 2018 02:11 pm (UTC)
Back when you asked the question I really was not planning on returning. But I have been reflecting on my online experiences and what I do and don't want from them -- and engaging more deeply with others is something that I've missed.

Aug. 26th, 2018 11:31 pm (UTC)
I've felt that too. Facebook is good for people whom I know personally and see or have seen on a regular basis. When I have moved around I have kept up with people on FB. You're one of the few long-term friends I have whom I have never met.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


Queen of Swords

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