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Sex & Spirit

Now that my psyche is pretty much back to my personal normal (YMMV) again, I'm starting to gently poke at it with a virtual stick.

The primary question is the same as it's been for the past several years: What do I want? What do I yearn for?

The answer I've been getting (and, to be honest, I was getting it before I started the meds, but now I'm able to feel it, not just think it) is I want to be deeply engaged in erotic spirituality.

Those two threads -- sex and spirit, together and separately -- have been at the core of my interests since adolescence. I was just starting to meaningfully engaged them with uncrowned_king and _storyteller_ when one died and the other left. It's time to start again, not quite from ground zero but almost. The explorations I did with them were exuberant, impulsive, instinctive. It's time to be mindful and deliberate, to cultivate it.

(Don't get me wrong. I would love to be exuberant, impulsive, and instinctive in this area again, but lacking a partner makes it more difficult.)

While pondering this, I became curious: just how important is your sexuality (expressed alone, with one or more partners, with or without an explicitly spiritual element) to your overall sense of identity, purpose, and well-being? I get the sense that my level of interest and engagement is rather more intense than most, but it's not something I've sat around and chatted with others about for a long time.

Anyone care to share? All comments will be screened and anonymous responses are okay. If you're okay with me unscreening your comment, let me know, otherwise all comments will remain screened.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 22nd, 2011 04:39 am (UTC)
I don't mind you unscreening this.

For me, spiritual eroticism is VERY much a part of who I am and is needed. When I am not safe in a relationship to share that part of me, the relationship ultimately ends. In a relationship where I am safe to be myself, the relationship not only survives but gets stronger with each encounter.

My mate, when something threatens the border of what he considers our sacred sexual experiences, sounds rather like he's screeching. So the sanctity of our sexual encounters is a shared thing, and woe unto anything that threatens to cheapen it. Before him, I'd never been involved with anyone that shares a view like mine so deeply.

When I am not able to express my sexuality, I begin to feel like I am not worth anything if it goes on too long. In the cases where my partner simply is too focused on other things, he has had to set me down and explain that it was not because he wasn't interested and that I wasn't worth it, but that he just had other things on his mind. And when I had my hysterectomy and he refused to have sex with me either astrally or even just textually not wanting to risk damaging the energetic healing... well it was a damn good thing that kissing and holding wasn't off limits or there would have been two people questioning themselves (in the bad way).

It's not that the ability to have sex and express that part of me is ALL that makes me myself... but at the same time it is an energetic need for me to exchange sexual energy with my partner. Doing so may very well be partly responsible for my nerve damage not being as bad as it could be. And I will admit that even though I've not had physical sex for years now, sexual exchanges with my mate are partially responsible for keeping me around so I can take care of my kids.

So it's kind of all bundled up tight in my case.
Jun. 22nd, 2011 05:17 am (UTC)
Okay to unscreen.

Sexual expression has everything to do with feeling expressed in general. It's at the core of who I am. It's not like the sexual part of me is some ghetto. A scary place to be avoided at night. And the common thread I have found with others involved in sacred sexuality is that they share the belief/experience that sex is front and center. It's not separate. It's present and a part of everything else.
Jun. 22nd, 2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
You can unscreen my comment, first off. :)

I think one's sexuality is very integral to one's defining of one's identity, but not dependent upon it as anything but a factor. Human beings, like so many creatures on earth, are gendered and sexually driven. This is more than just a built in system to promote procreation- it's something which is as important and integral to our being as our ability to love, to be mentally and emotionally innovative, and to experience a full range of cognizance.

In addition, I think that it's imperative that we embrace the diversity of sexuality as a form of identity-influence. Just like the sexuality of a peacock drives it to flash its feathers and use its natural assets to attract a mate, just as two wolves will use scent and other social cues when selecting a mate to imprint, so humans have a deeply natural and inherent set of conditions associated with our sexuality.

Some humans are not sexually active, by choice or by necessity or even against their will. Some are sexually active, again by choice, necessity, or against their will. This is part of what we are.

And what you are helps to define who you are, even if sometimes one must use a trait in a negative fashion to define ourselves- "My nature includes this trait, so I identify myself as THE OPPOSITE of that because it is a negative trait."

So. Yes, it's integral to forming an identity for oneself. But, that doesn't mean that one's sexuality must be at the center. :)
Jun. 26th, 2011 02:28 am (UTC)
You can unscreen. :)

For me, I think it's pretty important. At the time I was starting to develop who I was, I was also starting to become highly sexual (without really realizing it until later on that I WAS becoming highly sexual, but in a pre-pubescent kind of way). At the same time, sex with a person to me is something to be shared I can completely trust, because it's at that moment when I'm the most vulnerable.

I actually came back to your journal to read about sacred sexuality (and you've mentioned books before... but I can't remember if that's here or in the few e-mails we exchanged -- must check!), and I kind of find it ironic to find this. :) At the moment, I'm reaching out to the idea of sacred sexuality, and claiming it for my own, but I'm also hurting pretty deeply because someone I trusted deeply has more or left disappeared from my life without a second thought, and I feel lost without him there and have no idea if he's coming back (which I think is WHY I'm reaching out now: I need to claim my sexuality for my own, instead of investing so much of it for/with other people).
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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